Why do we misperceive signals in communication?

In communication, there are many signals being conveyed. To get the whole picture, we need to perceive all the vital ones. But sometimes we notice only some and not others because of our perceptive filters. We are originally able to perceive all vital data in communication naturally, but because of wrong beliefs and mindsets, we become distorted in our perception.

That is why we have to learn in order to clear wrong beliefs and mindsets so that we can perceive properly again. Clarity of perception is in seeing what is.

We attract into our awareness according to what we are expecting. When we expect another person to dislike us, we will only notice signals that can be interpreted as dislike towards us that the person is conveying. We would not be aware of signals of the person liking us even if it is right before our eyes. Our mindset causes us to ignore them and focus only on the signals that matches what we believe.

The Tao says “Caught in desire, you see only the manifestations. Free from desire, you understand the mystery”. That means when you have expectations about how something should look like instead of seeing what it really is, your perception of that thing will be distorted by your constrained point of view.
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You  tend to see the appearance of the thing you’re looking at, which shapes its form according to your desires. When you observe without your perceptive filters and biases, you’re seeing the underlying essence of a thing no matter what form it appears in.

So the way to perceive properly is to not let our expectations close our awareness. There is no such thing as seeing without expectations. We will always have expectations. If we should expect, let our expectations be deliberately positive. Because when we have positive expectations, we would have positive feelings and therefore exert positive influence towards others in our reality to be positive towards us.

Even if we find it hard to change our negative expectation into a positive one and prefer to let it be, it is ok. What is important is to keep an open mind. Even if you believe someone doesn’t like you or isn’t positive towards you in some area, you can still look to see if there are signals that signify otherwise. In this way, you do not let your expectations control you and limit your awareness. You are able to see past your perceptive filters if they exist and observe what is.

This is the same principle to follow in every other area of observation. That includes our perception in philosophy, science, art, experience and the universe.

To control others perception and make them agree with what you say, use Verbal Matching. It is saying only things that your listener can verify with his or her senses, and/or things which he/she believes to be true. External Verbal Matching consists of verbally stating what your listener can already see, hear, or tactilely feel. Internal Verbal Matching consists of verbally stating what your listener already believes to be true.

On an emotional, subconscious level, we all want information that is recognizably true. That is information that we can verify with our senses, or information that fits what we already believe. To make others completely focused on what your saying, to engage their emotions and imagination, express an uninterrupted series of things which they can verify with their senses as being accurate or that they believe to be true.

Talking about things that are recognizably true whether internal or external, it is all about - Making people conscious. When you make people conscious, you become a guide to them and you can direct them.

To change someone’s behavior, you must change the emotions associated with that behavior. When you say many things others can immediately verify as accurate according to their senses and beliefs, their emotions become engaged and their imagination opens up. Making statements which are accurate according to your listener’s perceptions or beliefs increases your listener’s receptivity to further suggestions.

After you offer a long series of statements which are true for that person, whatever you say next will seem truer, more compelling, and more inspiring. By saying so many things that are true so quickly, you are teaching the instinctive part of someone’s mind to trust you and to respond strongly to your directions.

When you offer a group of truths, you become associated as a source of truth. The result is that whatever you say immediately after the group of truths, becomes expected to be true also, and if it’s a description of an experience they would tend to experience in their mind what you describe. Describe over and over the states you want your listener to experience. Repetition solidifies and intensifies.

The reason why this works is because it is the nature of the subconscious mind to make associations. It is the nature of consciousness to unify. To exercise discernment which is an aspect of the conscious mind, is to differentiated between what’s real and what’s not. To be able to discern correctly requires clarity of perception.

Saying things with which the listener agrees establishes an alignment, a symmetry between your words and your listener’s experience. People crave alignment. Symmetry makes people feel good. Symmetry causes people to relax. Symmetry, harmony and proportionality are the ingredients of beauty. Communication possessed of symmetry is perceived and experienced as beautiful. Communication consist of two kinds of symmetry which are two kinds of alignment. Each one provides emotional punch. The first kind we call Internal Alignment, the second, External Alignment.

Internal Alignment is congruence between what you say and your body language. People can trust and believe what you say more readily when your words and body language are in symmetry. The more emotion you want someone to feel, the more emotion you should show. The more emotion you exhibit, the more emotion you can elicit. You can only make others feel what you feel. People who are more charismatic are simply more varied in their expressions. How something is said is as important as what is said. Verbal Matching can be ineffectual without Internal Alignment.

External Alignment is Verbal and Nonverbal Matching between you and the person you are communicating with. Nonverbal Matching is matching of body language. On a subtle instinctive level, every moment and every movement is a test and request for the establishment of similarity. The instinctive part of the mind treats every action in a human encounter as a message expressed and a response to the message received before it. Every move you see someone make is an opportunity for you to send a message which engages and assures the other person.

Verbal/Nonverbal Matching and Internal/External Alignment, it is all - Mind matching Mind.

After you’ve matched someone very well for a while, that person will begin to look very relaxed or very intent, and his or her attention will seem to turn inward, and your words will have more and more impact, as they are now largely bypassing the critical, logical part of the mind and instead touching directly on someone’s feelings, this while stimulating the imagination. This is the Alpha State. After you’ve done a good deal of Matching, their mind will expect truth from you, so that you can concentrate on doing much more leading, and soon be doing more leading than Matching.

When you Match, you can Lead. All control is self control. When you match, the other sees you as one with him/herself. Your perceptions become one and you can control the shared perception. Match and Lead, Unify and Direct.

The rule of Matching and Leading can be reversed when your reality or frame is stronger than the other person. You can immediately lead instead and get the other person to match you. Having a strong reality aligns the other person’s perception of reality with yours and your reality becomes his/hers. This is - Mind leading Mind.[/hidepost]